


Like a Vow

by kangelique



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Darkness, Dreaming, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Kisses, Underworld, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-16 09:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangelique/pseuds/kangelique
Summary: Emma falls asleep on her way to the Underworld where she sees Killian in a dream, and he warns her not to come after him."I told you to let me go, Swan," he tried but it was half-hearted. His expression revealed everything to her, and he was aching for her just as strongly as she was aching for him. "Don't put yourself in danger for me, don't try to bring me back, Emma. It's not worth it," he finished almost too quietly that the last part she strained to hear, close to inaudible but the self loathing was clear."I can't," she broke out. "I love you!"





	Like a Vow

**Author's Note:**

> So I very much would have preferred Graham over Neal appearing to her in a dream when he warned her that the Underworld was a dangerous place because I just never took a liking to Neal and if some of you did, it's cool, but this was something I wished we could have seen some way or another where he's already dead but not in the Underworld YET-sort of like an in between?-and she is on her way and gets the chance to reach him in that in between...if that made any sense,lol. My writer's muse had an idea, so hope you guys like it!

**Like a Vow:**

His scent was everywhere.

 

That was the first thing she noticed. It took her a few more minutes to notice everything else, like the hardwood floors underneath her soft palms when she flexed her fingers slightly, while the sounds of squawking (annoying) seagulls above her and the familiar crash of a wave against the ship happened not too far, rocking her gently where she lay on her stomach and slowly coaxing her to a state of awareness. She immediately knew she was at the sea, besides the obvious reason, but in more deeper terms she simply had come to identify him with the sea. 

 

Maybe it was how the salt water always lingered there on his skin, and she had just grown so used to him, used to his smell, used to all their hugs that never failed to carry the hint of his time spent on the beach admiring the shore or attending his beloved Jolly Roger or sitting at a bench at the docks to watch the horizon. And just like always, it made her feel safe, comfortable, and relieved with the fact that he was here, somewhere, even before she opened her eyes to the bright blue sky, and confirmed that, yes, she was laying on the floorboards of a ship she knew well and had been the place where he had once whispered  _I love you_ into her ear and also been the place where he had told her  _I loved you._

 

Loved.

 

What a painful word that could be.

 

But he had lied. And she had lied. Deep down in her heart she knew he had lied, that he still loved her truly and no matter what she'd done, darkness or no darkness, he had still believed without a doubt that his Emma was still in there fighting to get back to him, back to Henry, to her family, to herself. But she had failed him. She had been selfish and right now she was just about to commit another selfish thing.

 

It still caused her to shiver sometimes when it felt like the darkness was tapping her shoulder but really it turned out to just be the wind. Or when she was afraid that she could still hear the voices,  _Rumplestiltskin's_ voice in her head, and for a second it felt like she was still fighting the demons and old ghosts of her past coming out to play and mess with what she thought was real. What she thought was right.

 

It wasn't something you could easily forget even with it finally gone because it still felt like she was wearing the dark one's skin, dark's one's bad choices that were really HER choices because she had given in. There was something horribly and disgustingly twisted to be said about wanting to suck the light,  _the good,_ from a person's soul. And she had felt the need to do it, a part of her finding pleasure in seeing the life drain from someone's eyes or hold their fragile heart in her hands knowing she could crush it to dust and nothingness with a simple squeeze of her fist. It was sick. And all because she hadn't been strong enough, hadn't allowed herself to fully trust in Killian and their love.

 

Despite everything, she'd still been running, warily looking for an escape because Emma Swan was broken and been burned too many times that after a while she'd found it better, easier to just let the darkness sink its teeth into her flesh and never let go.

 

She pulled herself up, golden strands falling forward as she caught one in her hand and saw that the silver-white that had been her hair before -a cruel sign of just how much the darkness had eaten away at her, even after having fought tiredly against it at the beginning, it had still won and proved that victoriously with the harsh pull of all that was beautiful, molding it and changing its hue to an ugly black if she stared at the lonely strand hard enough- was gone. Each time she kept expecting it to be there, but it wasn't.

 

She began walking, her eyes searching for him where all around all she saw was blue. She had anticipated her steps to be hurried, but there was a calmness in the air that relaxed her racing heart and brought a peaceful feeling to her soul in a way she couldn't explain. For a brief moment  _heaven_ crossed her mind and she wondered if this was the brighter place they all spoke of, was this it? Had she really died?

 

But then she did see him, standing quietly at the starboard of the ship, his back to her, hand and hook resting on the railing and the soft breeze gently whipping at the dark hair that fell mussed at the front. It reminded her of all the times she'd caressed it without thinking, fingers sifting through the silky locks at the nape of his neck, and suddenly she was running, desperately wanting to bury her face in the spot between his neck and shoulder blade that was hers and only hers to be sure that he was there. Alive, alive, alive.

 

"Killian!" came flying out of her mouth as he turned around and she came crashing into him. He stumbled back slightly and she stumbled forward into him, but she only held on tighter and squeezed him harder to her, a watery laugh passing her lips when he murmured, "Shh, love, shh. It's alright, Emma, it's alright." because how could he be so calm? So out of pain and so okay when she had just driven a sword through him and the memory of that made her hands shake uncontrollably where her arms were wrapped around his neck, unwilling to let go because she knew this wasn't real. She was on her way to the Underworld to save him. And this...this was just a torturous fiction of her imagination because she'd probably fallen asleep.

 

She pulled back to cup his face and press her forehead to his only when she felt his arms securely around her waist, hugging her to his chest. She sweared his heartbeat was there, and she could hear it, and it was the most beautiful song she would never let herself take for granted because this was impossible, and his breathing was there coming soft and she just desperately wanted to cling to this dream forever. "You're not really here," she whispered sadly, not realizing that tears were spilling down her cheeks until he reached up and caught one in his thumb, swiping it along her cheekbone and then left his hand there. The touch was soothing and she leaned into his palm, letting it cradle her like only he knew how to do.

 

"Aye, love, I'm not." he told her and gave her a weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and didn't bring out the dimples that she loved to place little kisses on that only made him smile wider. Looking up, she saw that his eyes were shiny with a barely restrained ocean of his own.

 

"Where are you? Tell me, I know it's somewhere in the Underworld, but where?" The questions were futile and yet she couldn't help but ask. She didn't care, she just wanted to hear his voice again, she just wanted to be with him. "I'm going to find you," she promised, more tears falling down as she shook her head to whatever protest he began to spew and lovingly brushed her fingers over his lips. He placed a kiss to one of her fingertips. "I don't care where the hell you are in the Underworld,  _I'll find you,_ no matter what it takes," she said fiercely. 

 

"I told you to let me go, Swan," he tried but it was half hearted. His expression revealed everything to her, and he was aching for her just as strongly as she aching for him. "Don't put yourself in danger for me, love, don't try to bring me back, Emma. It's not worth it," he finished almost too quietly that the last part she strained to hear, close to inaudible but the self-loathing was clear.

 

"I can't," she broke out. "I love you," and instead of waiting for him to respond she kissed him. They melted into each other, and her body molded into his like the perfect fit she kept realizing over and over. In his lips she tasted her own tears and somehow this sparked her to kiss him slower, needing to memorize every movement of his tongue tangling with hers in a sweet burn before she soon woke up, using up this moment to only feel him and forget everything else except for how his hand came up gather her hair in a fist as if needing something to steady him like their first kiss in Neverland, the same way she gripped his dark locks almost painfully if not for the fact that his mouth sought hers and didn't let her break the kiss for less than a second and less than an itch before he captured her lips again, solely expressing how much he missed her, how much he  _loves_ her through the collision of their bodies continuously pulling and tugging each other closer as best they can with the small amount of space there's already between them and well on their way to disappearing too because for some irritating reason it never felt like enough.

 

She wanted  _more,_ more of him, and hated that it couldn't be possible because he was dead and they'd made some really bad choices along the way that led them to this point. To the point that  _his blood_ had soaked her hands as she slowly fell to the ground with him caressing him everywhere she could, the haunting sound of the sword as it crushed through skin and bone by her own force and then erupted a sea of red, all the while as he'd murmured " _It's okay, love, it's okay, Emma"_ and brought his hand up to her cheek one last time.

 

It was a memory that would forever stain, but with their foreheads resting against each other, his soft breathing filling up her swollen lips and their panting slowing down to regular exhales of respiration, and his whole presence, firm and there under the trembling hands that kept running up and down his arms and around his neck to heedlessly make sure he was truly and really here even though he truly and really  _wasn't,_ helped to bring her comfort and the sense of safety whenever she found herself sheathed up in his warmth -something that even in a dream, it provided her with a realness so strong that she just had to believe it. 

 

"Killian..." she started hesitantly. "Wait, why are you smiling like that?" she said perplexed and Killian chuckled, rubbing his nose against hers affectionately that her own smile bloomed to life on her face.

 

"You said you love me. A man must take a moment to revel upon those words, and I do without a doubt, my love," he said with a weak smile that let loose to a single tear. His gaze burned into her eyes with an intensity that told her he wasn't willing to let go of her yet, willing her to stay as much as it pained her to feel herself slipping away, his arms no longer as solid as they were a second ago. She kissed him in response, smoothing her thumbs over his cheeks as she did. "You have no idea how much I will long to hear that when you finally awaken."

 

"Don't say that, you promised me a future together, we will share a heart and...and...that white-picket fence life we talked about-"

 

"Emma..." he was pained and her resolve only strengthened as she desperately searched for the words that she couldn't get a grip on just like how her hold on him was fading. His voice begun to sound like an echo as she dreadfully forced herself to listen harder but it got swept up by the wind and fast growing ripples of water that violently hit the sides of the ship. Even in this dream, she became more vulnerable as she stumbled back and then reached for him again but her hand went right through his. He looked on at her sadly, seeming to get farther and farther away, one hand still poised as if ready to wipe the tears streaming down her cheeks but couldn't, couldn't even get to her.

 

She was waking up.

 

"No wait-" she just needed to know one thing even if she was scared to hear the answer. She swallowed thickly. "Would this...would this have been your better place?"  _Without me_ was what she feared to know, but she would understand after how much he'd fought to be a better man for her, to die a hero, if peace was what he wanted now. It probably didn't change how selfish she was in bringing him back but  _I won't live without you_ , True Love or not True Love, Emma knew she loved him and she was going to be hell bent no matter what his answer was. No matter how much it hurt.

 

When he spoke, he was suddenly very close. She couldn't grasp him as she immediately went to, but the faint hint of his hand under her chin tilting her head up and the ghost of his lips on hers as he whispered, " _My better place is with you, sweetheart,_ " told her that he could before he finally disappeared and she finally woke up to a red haze in the atmosphere. 

 

The three words he had lastly said to her before being separated completely still echoed in her ears like a vow as she took the first step that would commence her search for the man she would follow through heaven or hell.

 

 

 

 


End file.
